Losing those I love

Every day that goes by is another day I lose a friend. Being alone and dying alone appears to be my destiny. No one takes the time to understand me and no one takes the time to just hear me out.

Being alone is the only way to go. This way no one hurts me and I don’t hurt anyone. Maybe I will just leave this earth to make everyone happy. This way no one has to ever hear, deal with, or see me again. Everyone’s’ lives will be better without me and they will be happier once I am gone.

Slowly, I am building the courage to go. I just hope that all this pain goes away soon. I hope I never have to deal with any more suffering.

I give up on life and happiness.

-AW

Tough Week

This past week was one of the toughest and worst weeks ever. I’ve had to deal with a lot of crap. There have been many deaths and let downs.

Because of everything that has been going on, I have lost myself. People have let me down, people have died, and people have used me to their advantage. I noticed that I am starting to hangout with the wrong crowd again and well what can I do?

It is funny though, despite the fact that I am hanging out with the wrong crowd, they are the ones that care the most. They are the ones that protect me the most.

I would have hoped that those who actually cared about me would be the ones to protect me. Turns out I was wrong. Like always the ones who are closest to me end up hurting me and end up treating me worse than those bad influences I hangout with.

It is sad, because I lost a friend due to this same fact. But life goes on and well all I can do is wish them the best and hope they find a friend as caring, helpful, and understanding as me.

-AW

Feeling Lost

These past couple of days I have been feeling terrible… Lost in a world where I feel like I don’t belong anymore. It’s fun how things can go from being great one day to being horrible the next.

I used to be a happy person. I used to dream about how my life would be and all the great things I would do once I became older. But as I started to grow up, I realized that life was not how everyone put it out to be. You end up getting hurt lots of times and losing faith in those you once thought they were your friends.

I don’t have any hope for the future. I feel like people will continue to hurt me and cause me pain. I don’t trust anyone and feel like in this world all you have left is to be alone.

If there was only one person that could make my life shine again… just one…. I think I would be able to be happy again. I would be able to be something similar to what I was before.

All I want and need is for this emptiness to leave my soul and my heart. I want the feeling of that disastrous night to go away so that I can breathe again.

-AW