Never Panic

Hey guys,

So as you can tell…. that whole me going to write more didn’t really work out lol…. I had a lot of changes happen in my life and new things come about. I have been able to find myself again; something that I hadn’t done in years. I’ve been working on my image: exercising more, dancing, and just being me.

Throughout this whole transformation, I’ve had heart breaks and deceptions. Somethings have gone great and other horribly wrong. But, all in all, I have been able to push through everything.

Recently, I met a guy…. I know…. guys run my page but this guy is different. He came at a time where I wasn’t really expecting anything from anyone anymore. I got tired of guys treating like crap when I would give them the world. I decided that the next guy that came along would have to work to get me. And…. well this guy has. I don’t want to jinks anything *knocks on wood 3 times*, but he’s different than what I’m use to and seems like this could be something that could grow for the better.

So far, things have been going great. We have so much fun when we’re together. We laugh and talk about serious issues. He’s honest with me and doesn’t hide anything from me. He’s been willing to go through anything with me and he’s proven to be the man that I’ve been looking for. Yeah…. he has his things like he thinks he’s super cocky… but it’s not in an offensive way, just his personality. He’s still humble and caring and worries about me and my feelings. This is something that no guy has ever cared about.

All in all, things have been good. I hope that this continues and I pray that things turn out right between us. I would like for this relationship to grow and if it does then it would be one more step towards the future. Who knows what will happen next but I’ll keep you all posted. Much love!

-AW

2 years…

It’s been 2 years and it feels as though it was the first day.

The pain continues to my dismay.

I live but it’s as though I wasn’t alive.

I laugh but it’s as though it was all a lie.

As time goes on, I still grieve.

While you have moved on with a sigh of relief.

I may not have been perfect and caused more harm than needed.

But not once did I fumble when my desiring heart speeded. 

Despite the time and the distance, you remain a close memory.

A memory that will live, while I hither away slowly.

Only time will tell, how long this tragedy will still reign vividly.

When doing the right thing goes wrong….

Hi everyone,

I have not written here lately as thing had been going ok. My life was going fine and I was actually starting to get a hand of everything that was happening. But, as you can tell, things made a turn. #onlywritetovent

So, where do I begin. Let me start off by saying that I do not understand how a boss’ brain works. I have been working for this company for over a year and for the first time since I have been here was completely degraded because I told someone to help clock someone else in because their computer was not working…… Tell me how this is something bad?

I did this to help the other person out because they had been there for over 20 minutes trying to get the computer working. They called from the office and even sent me a picture of how their computer was. So tell me how someone is not going to believe that the person was not there???

My boss made such a big deal out of this that I don’t even know what to think. I made a judgement call based on trying to help the person out, but apparently that was not good enough for my boss.

If I did something that was not correct that is fine… but I did this because the other girl did not have any one there to help her. I did what I could and if this is something that is going to be held over me that’s fine but I feel no remorse for helping a colleague who is new and unaware of what should be done.

-AW

Hope

Hello everyone,

I have decided to write more this year to see if I catch the attention of anyone at all.

Well to start off the new year I got extremely sick. Like I mean almost pneumonia sick. Thank goodness it is going away, slowly but surely.

On the bright side, I am talking to this guy who seems like a nice person. I only met him once and he struck me as a person I could become really good friends with. God only knows how horrible my friendships have gone and how I actually don’t have any. It’s sad to say I know but only time will tell. I am ready to find new friendships that will actually last. I do not need any more mistakes that I have been destined to run into every time I try and start a new friendship.

I have declared that this year will be different than the rest. I will actually be able to move forward in all aspects of my career and of my life. I am looking to better myself and be truthful to those around me. It won’t be easy changing but it’s a process I am willing to endure.

All I hope is that this new path that I am going to embark on brings me good things.

Sleep tight everyone,

-AW

New Year, New Me (Hopefully…)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to Everyone.

Starting off the new year writing to you all about my recent changes. First off, let me start by saying how happy I am to be taking my life into my own hands. This past year I was involved with so many wrong mistakes. I have finally decided to not be involved with those type of people. I want to be able to actually be happy and not just pretend.

Second, my parents have finally realized that my family is not what it seems. My brothers treat me like crap and their friends do too. The only one who seems to notice this is my mom but my dad seems to be oblivious to everything around him. He finally saw that they were the ones excluding me.

Third, I am going to fight for the person I truly care about. I don’t care if he likes that one girl. I have the right to fight as I have known him longer than anyone else. I know his desires and secretes and how to make him happy.

All in all, I am finally going to start thinking about myself. I am going to take my life into my own hands and start to move forward. This year no one will be able to stop me.

-AW

That’s What I Get

Hi everyone. Well let me tell you how I completely lost. Like I literally lost. I pulled away from a friend because I thought it would be best for him not to have a friend like me and bam! It ends up turning out worse!!! He has decided to go back with his ex….. yes I repeat he has decided to go back with his ex.

What does this mean for me? Well, ultimately this means that I lost. I finally figured out why I felt so good around him and why I was avoiding him, but what I ended up doing was leading him into her arms. The one person that he knows is toxic for him, the one person that makes him feel insecure by controlling his life, by telling him what to do and how to be. But….. he doesn’t see that. He is just settling for what he can have and what is available.

But how can I blame him when I was the one who pushed him into her arms? I wasn’t there. I lashed out at him when I should have just told him how I felt.

Because of my insecurities I am going to lose the best thing I’ve ever had to someone who doesn’t even cherish his worth.

Broken Everything

Well, as the title suggests, everything seems to be broken in my life. I broke a tooth. I broke a friendship. I broke my life.

How do I repair it? Well, I get drunk, go out, and just hope I get run over/hit by a car so while drunk in order to forget I am even here.

But since that never happens I will just continue with my horrible and disdainful life.

-AW

Sadness Overruns Me…

I wish I could over come my sadness. Everyone has someone to count on but I don’t. I live surrounded by people who don’t care. I live surrounded by people who just want to use me for their personal agenda. No one takes the time to ask me how I am doing or what it is that I need.

I am just a piece a paper that everyone uses and once they’re done they just throw away. No one comes on this blog and that’s ok. Maybe one day someone will read this and see how difficult it was being me. I just hope that one day all of this is over.

Everyday my heart aches a bit more and everyday I am more encouraged to do what I think will take this all away. I have no faith in anyone which gives me the strength to go towards what I desire. One day. One day it will happen.

-AW

Table for One

I have come to the realization that I do not have any real friends. I am an absolute loner. It is sad to say because I am a really fun and caring person. I am that one friend you can always count on no matter what but it seems as people don’t care about that.

The one honestly good friend I had ended up giving up on me. Not caring about what happened to me or if I was ok. Didn’t send me messages to see if I was alive or if I needed any help. Nope. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada.

I get treated like crap when I treat everyone better than they deserve. No one is there to look out for me and at the end of the day I am always there. I may not be pretty and I may not have the best looks but I am the one person that will never let you down yet everyone lets me down.

The day I leave this world will be the day that they all will wish they never let me down. But until that day comes they will have to deal with the pain of knowing me.

-AW

Coming to a realization…

So….. I have come to the realization that no one will ever truly love me. Everyone who has said to love me has just used me to their advantage. I give my best to everyone no matter what but it seems as though people don’t care about that.

I feel alone and sad all of the time. No one calls to ask how I am doing or to see if I need anything. Those that do message me are those who just want to use me for a night and then forget that I even exist.

The sad thing is that the only person who I thought really cared about me gave up on me. I feel like reckoned to just be treated like crap and never truly be happy.

Nothing more I can do but be alone for the rest of my life….

-AW