The beginning of the end

Many have their own stories to share… Many decide to hide them…. I, on the other hand, believe it is time for everyone to know why I am making certain decisions….

So, here we go with Post #1:

As a child, we all have friends who we grow up with and who we eventually end up separating from. So if you are reading this you pretty much have a good idea of who I am talking about. That’s right Cassie, this story is about you. Over the years, I have been the person who has been there for you and has picked up all the piece that all those so called “loves of your life” have left along the way. But everything changed. That moment when you decided that getting attention from someone was more important than your “best friend” is where everything we worked so hard to keep together ended. You started ignoring me and would leave me hanging for hours just because of that guy you met at the club. You decided that I did not matter anymore. But what you don’t know is that you were the person that hurt me the most. You left me to deal with my misery alone…. You left me to die spiritually, emotionally, and physically. When I needed you the most you weren’t there. I was being sucked in by a black hole and you had no care for me whatsoever. Recently, you have wanted me to be sorry for you because of everything that you have been going through but the truth is……. I don’t really care anymore about all the things that are happening to you. I am honestly happy that you are going through all these things because now you know how it feels to go through all this and have to go through them alone. It sucks doesn’t it? Well, now you know all the pain and suffering I had to endure because before you weren’t there….. You only cared about the guys that dominated your life… and to this day that’s all you really care about. It’s sad to say that I lost a friend when I needed it the most.

Life in the eyes of someone who no one cares about

Hi everyone!

I am back once again…. Here to rant about how things have been going.

So, let me start off by letting everyone know that I broke up with my boyfriend to then get back together with him 4 months later. To many this may seem like a surprise but during the break that we had I was able to find myself again. As you all saw in the previous post, I was not in a good place when I wrote it. Life and my relationship had me drained to the point where I no longer wanted to live.

Over the course of the months, I was able to finally feel like myself again and get back on track. However, as everyone has experienced not everything is pretty and pink once things start getting too comfortable. Once again me and my bf are having problems…. of what you may ask? Well, of pretty much everything. At the beginning we were getting along but then the same things kept happening as before. Only caring about his job and not taking out time to spend with me. Don’t get me wrong, I want him to succeed but…. I just wish he were able to give me just a little of his time. We barely get to see each other as it is because of the distance. When I go back home I try to take as much time to spend with him because I know that I won’t be able to once I get back to school.

Honestly, I know he has his hands full but so do I and I am still able to give him the time of day he asks for. I just wish he would do the same. He doesn’t have to work 2 jobs like I do or have to go to school everyday like I do. His weekends are free and for the most part he would rather hangout with his friends then take time out of his day to spend it with me.

With that being said…… am I wrong for asking him to sacrifice some of his time in order to spend it with me? Sometimes I just feel like he doesn’t care for me anymore. For instance, in the past 3 days hes has not messaged me or called me. I’ve been the one to message and he still doesn’t respond.

I just don’t know what to do anymore or even what to think……

Am I overreacting?

– AW

And it continues….

Each day the pain is growing worse and worse to the point that I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it anymore. Each day I’m more confused about the things that are happening around me. It seems as though I’ve been pushed into a black hole with no escape. My days are becoming darker as I am torn away from the people that once made me happy.

I don’t know if I am ever going to be able to be the person that I once was. The person that I have become is the person that I wish I never was. As the days continue I feel as though I have no way of getting away from this tragedy; this tragedy that I call life.

It’s not easy living in a world where the people you once cared about and appreciated are the ones that are causing you the most pain. So much disappointment, anger, mistrust, and infidelity are the ones that are taking us to live in a society full of empty hands and broken promises. I know that you, my readers, may not care about what I have to say but I know that each and every one of you have felt like this before. As life continues we will see where our journeys take us, but for the mean time all we have to do is keep our heads up and our chins high and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Goodnight…. Yours truly,

AW

Life and it’s Absurdities

Hey readers. Though I haven’t written in a while, I know that many may not read this but I might as well start writing about my life and see if it attracts anyone.

Lately things have been really difficult for me. First, my whole dad going to the hospital thing and the he can’t drive or be alone thing are starting to put a burden on me as I try to help mom find a solution so that I don’t have to move back home without finishing my career. But I know that in the end we will be able to find a solution for this, we just have to let things evolve and see where everything falls.

Next, the whole boyfriend thing….. Urg, this is of the worst subjects as my bf apparently does not care about me enough in order to take the time to visit me. Apparently for him his work and his “extra job” as well as his friends are the most important things for him. It is sad to see that I have other friends who would love to spend time with me more than my bf does. But me, as the idiot that I am, has not learned the lesson and is still with him trying to fight for the chance of continuing this relationship.

And lastly, I have come to the realization that I have no one to rely on now. I have lots of friends and family, but I can never talk to any of them about what I am going through. It’s so sad to say, but I don’t know if I have any real friends or family. I’ve been hurt so many times by these so called friends and family that it’s difficult to even open up to them because most of the hurt comes from them. Most of the damage that I receive in my life comes from the people that I most care about and appreciate. Many tell me that I have changed over the years and that I am not the same person that I used to be….. but the thing is, is that I have changed because I have been hurt so much…… Because I do not know who I can trust anymore. I can’t even trust my own bf who is supposed to be my best friend.

Everyday I suffer in silence and no one knows. Everyone thinks I am just perfectly fine, when in reality the only thing they see is the mask, that over the years, I have been able to perfect in order to deceive everyone. I this life, I have no one to count on or trust anymore. For those of you who know what I am going through and feel the same way don’t worry you’re not alone. Just know there are many out there feeling the same way. Especially, me! I feel your pain but life goes on and all we can do is hope for the best.

Goodnight! Yours truly,

AW

 

How soon is too soon?

Dear readers,

Recently I had a conversation with one of my cousins about marriage and how soon was too soon to get married. It all started with him telling me that he would get married after just knowing a girl only 9 months. I had told him that it was too soon for him to get married because he had not fully gotten to know the girl. I told him that it took more than 9 months to know someone. Even if that person is the love of your life you usually take time to get to know them further on a more personal and intimate level. After telling him this he called me immature for thinking that way. That I had not really known what love was just because of the fact that I was a few years younger than him. He told me that he was so in love and that one day I would get to experience love the way he had. Taking into consideration that I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and that we’ve also been contemplating the idea of marriage, he still believed that I did not know what true love was. What are your thoughts on the situation? Any comments on what he or I said towards this topic?

AW

Welcome to Express Yourself

Welcome! My name is Anonymous Writer. I do not want to really give out my name because I am hoping that those that read this blog will have the opportunity to wonder who I am; however, I will be giving my initials so if you are curious that will be the only clue you will get. In this blog I will be commenting on life events and be giving my opinion on certain issues. Please feel free to question my thoughts and opinions. I am very open to getting a new look at the variety of situations I will be hitting on. Once again I welcome you and hope you enjoy reading and commenting on my posts 😊